Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself

Franklin Roosevelt’s inaugural address contains one of the most profound statements for me and one that I often quote to myself. In my life, I have personally discovered that I am my own worst enemy. I have been given a talent and a drive to create, but my fear of rejection and failure have been debilitating in my past. It caused me to have artist’s block for years!

After my husband left me I had to rediscover who I was. I had spent my married life basically living for my husband. I hadn’t been creating very much, nor had I been nurturing my friendships. When he left I realized that I had nothing but my family. At first I sought to create out of a need for expression. It was an outlet for the horrific pain that I was enduring.

My parents sought to push my artistic career forward and began peddling my art to various galleries. This led to a showcase exhibit in which I was required to create about 8-10 landscape paintings in approximately 3 months. While frantically working to meet the deadline I discovered that my skills, while rusty, hadn’t left me. I had abandoned them, but they certainly hadn’t abandoned me. I also rediscovered my need to create. Thank God for my parents! Because of their faith in me, I pulled myself through that hard time and have been creating ever since.

It has been nearly three years since then but I STILL have to struggle with myself each and every day. Fear still lives within me. I would easily give up before I even began a piece of artwork if I allowed myself. I hope that with perseverance I will eventually become free of my fears, but at the moment I’m still struggling. It seems silly to be at war with oneself. Perhaps it is something that is unique to me, but I take comfort in knowing that a president seems to have understood my condition. As he was speaking to a large audience, I hope that there are others out there who can relate.

This being said, I have avoided putting too many of my current projects on this blog. I have unwittingly allowed my fears to get in my way yet again! I promise to stop with this nonsense and share what I am working on with whoever is interested. I somehow feel that making this declaration to the internet void will force me to keep my promise a bit better.
Keep your fingers crossed!

One sleepless, agitated night I woke up and created this rather crude sketch. It's not a masterpiece by any means, but I do feel that it conveys the immense pain I was feeling at the time.
I lovingly refer to this as "The Scream", in homage to Edvard Munch.


  1. Love the new design of the blog. The picture at the bottom is haunting. I do hope you continue to post your many artistic endeavors. I always enjoy what comes out of your wonderful mind. :)

  2. This is a good post. You are not alone in letting your fears get the best of you sometimes. Not alone at all... :)
    I'm so glad that you're creating art again. Your work is so beautiful.