Monday, July 18, 2011

Broken Hearts and Growing Pains

I recently had to say goodbye to a friend of mine who betrayed my trust. We had been friends for almost 2 yrs.  I’ve been examining my reaction to this separation and trying to discern which part of this experience is causing me the most pain. Obviously the loss of a friend and the overall disappointment is bitter, but I believe that the biggest contributor to the pain is the fact that I’ve had to reconcile the dream reality with the actual reality. In our minds we create a version of the person we are friends with. They are kind, honest, trustworthy, etc. They have faults, but we take the bad with the good. We would gladly come to their defense if they were ever accused of something that went against the person we KNOW them to be. 
Occasionally, there comes a time when we realize that the reality and the dream have little in common. I think that it’s this realization and the reconciling of the two worlds that causes the most pain. Sort of like growing pains as you grow an extra inch. Our heart expands or contracts, as does our vision of the world and it’s inhabitants. Also, much like growing pains, there will come a point where things are a bit awkward as we grow accustomed to this change within ourselves. We will find ourselves in an odd gangly stage,but hopefully as we continue to grow, we'll emerge even stronger and more beautiful than before. The best we can do is to try to not allow our hearts to be hardened by these growing pains and to continue to work towards trusting others and loving with our complete hearts. Even if we continue to be hurt by those we love….

As Alfred Lord Tennyson said “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”


Stay lovely and have a wonderful day!


  1. I too have suffered a similar loss and is not an easy road, however the circumstances were such that I would not have been happy "pretending" so was better that I cut ties. I'm so sorry to hear and your words express the pain. I hope that you find solace soon, be it through other friends or family. My thoughts are with you.

  2. Thank you as always, Dave for your comforting words. The pain always diminishes in time and I know that this wound will also heal in time.

  3. That is a beautiful painting! You're very insightful and I love how you expressed your thoughts in writing and art both. I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time. This reminds me of something I once read about how it's also important to look at each new experience in your life without your perception being clouded by past experiences. Like your mind is a glass of clear water, with no sediment to swirl around and cloud it up... thanks for reminding me of that!

  4. Thank you for sharing that Katherine! That's EXACTLY how you should be, but it's very difficult to not allow our past experiences to cast a shadow on our present and future experiences.